Not The End
by Gone Wilde
Summary: As Alex & Marissa parted, both secretly pleaded, 'Please, tell me this is not the end.' Little did they know that fate wasn't thru with them yet, and that their hopes would soon be realized. Will they be able to find happily ever after this time around?
1. Introduction Forgive But, Not Forget

**Not The End (Introduction) ~ Forgive But, Not Forget**

**Author's notes: **This is my first fan fiction EVER so, it may very well suck. lol.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own The O.C. or any of these characters. If I did, Alex Kelly never would have left. =/

**INTRODUCTION**

Why is it the most beautiful love stories always meet such a tragic end? Marissa and Alex would have given anything to know that 'happily ever after' still existed. And they came close to it once. But, it burnt out, overcome by the flames of the bonfire that night...

The two share a final lingering gaze before standing up and embracing each other tightly, clinging to every last remnant of their love. Alex buries her face against the other girl's shoulder, willing back the sob which threatened to break through. And as her eyes flutter close, it is in this surreal stillness that she takes in Marissa's scent; her tall, slender form; the feeling of warmth against her cheek; the way the long silky strands of her hair intertwine so perfectly between her fingers; She wanted to remember it all, memorizing what was soon-to-be a fleeting moment. But, it's when she pulls away a second later that the chill of rejection and emptiness settles in, leaving her numb in its wake.

Their eyes meet sadly, both mimicing a faint, almost non-existant smile. Neither could bring themself to form the word 'goodbye' so, it remained unspoken, along with so many other things which should have been said. And just like that, Alex was gone. She walked away from the girl who had stolen her heart, and from the life she didn't fit into.

Her surroundings paled to a grey as she made her way further down the sandy strip. Alex didn't know where she was heading. _'But, did it even matter?'_, she wondered. She would still be alone upon reaching there. Clouds, heavy with moisture, swallowed what little light remained over the skies, resembling the fast darkening eyes of Alex, which brimmed with the sting of salty tears. Finally, her legs grew weak, forcing her to stop and sit down on a large piece of driftwood. The young woman blankly stared out straight ahead towards the ocean. And as a single wave rolled in, Alex smiled amidst her sorrow and whispered, "The tide... just turned." Yes, a change was coming. Though, what if you never wanted it to? Was it doomed from the start? Their relationship, that is. Had it ended before it even begun? It seemed so unfair. All Alex ever wanted was to be given a chance...

With a crack of thunder, a slow drizzle soon became a downpour. The sound of rushing water drowning out her cries, as Alex could hold it in no longer and allowed herself to breakdown. She hugged herself, gripping at the sleeves of her jacket, while slowly rocking back and forth between sobs. _'I-I didn't know... How could I have known..? That it would hurt this much...'_

* * *

Marissa, on the opposite end of the beach, looked up towards that same sky as the rain soaked her to the very bone, dousing the bonfire which now suddenly meant nothing to her.

"Hey, Marissa, come on!", Ryan called, as everyone else quickly scattered for shelter.

She takes one last longing look into the infinite darkness, knowing that on _this_ rainy day, Alex won't be there to keep her warm.


	2. Chapter 1 Addicted To Your Memory

**Not The End (Chapter 1) ~ Addicted To Your Memory**

**Author's notes:** This chapter is mainly from Marissa's perspective. It was clearly visible on the show that Alex was heartbroken by the end of their relationship but, the writer's failed to really develop Marissa's character, in my opinion. We never got her side of the story, nor did we see how the aftermath of their break-up affected her. So, I wanted to show that here. I apologize if Marissa seems out-of-character. I admit, I'm not a diehard O.C. fan and merely watched the episodes which featured the Malex dynamic. But, maybe that's the whole point... Seeing a transformation in her within the passing of two years. *shrugs*

**Disclaimer:** Must I go through this everytime? I own nada, nothing, zero, zip. haha.

**CHAPTER 1**

**2 years later...**

Life in Newport had always been two things "fun" and "sun". It was familiar. Marissa could strut through the mall or on campus and turn heads wherever she went. Rumors spread like wildfire there and, if you hadn't heard about a Marissa Cooper then you were obviously socially exiled. She used to love the attention, the glances, it made her feel like _somebody_. But, now the "party girl" wanted nothing more than to just get lost within the crowd. Perhaps, it's what influenced her to move to L.A., amongst other reasons. Here, no one knew who she was, nor cared about her past. It was a chance to start fresh. Or so she thought...

As the weeks went by and Marissa found herself slowly becoming accustomed to the hustle and bustle of L.A. life, she noticed, though, that something still wasn't quite right. She couldn't put her finger on it. 'What wasn't sitting well with her?', she occasionally wondered but, shrugged off the thought as quickly as it came to mind. Then, one night as she sat at the bar, having a few drinks with her latest clique group, the bartender called past her, "Hey, Alex!" Marissa's composure completely shattered, along with the glass she accidentally knocked off the counter from spinning around in a fervor. Upon turning around, her wide eyes met those of an overweight middle-aged man. She let out a sigh, not realizing that she had been holding her breath the entire time.

Marissa settled back down onto the stool and flashed an apologetic smile for the spilt alcohol, before lipping "I'm sorry" to the bartender who seemed more than a little cross. Now unsure of her own motives, she inwardly questioned, _'What was I expecting...?'_ That was the first hint.

The second came about a month after. During a class assignment at the school for design of which Marissa was a student, professional female models were hired to stand in, dawning many of the latest styles and trends. To further their vast knowledge and develop their creative eye, each student was expected to sketch and make notations of the differing fashion designs, while adding a unique twist to every one. It sounded easy enough. At least, it would have been had Marissa actually kept her focus on the outfits, rather than on the models themselves. Her eyes scanned them up and down, taking in every detail and feature, as she half-consciously and half-unconsciously picked them apart with unbridled criticism. _'Her blonde hair looks dull and pasty, not vibrant like Alex's.' 'Those eyelashes are completely fake. Wouldn't surprise me if everything about her is. Alex... She had a natural stunning quality.' 'She has pretty eyes but, they don't come close to the color of Alex's big, bright, ocean blue-green eyes. I miss those eyes. I miss...'_

Before her mind could process the word 'her', Marissa halted her thoughts and restored her defenses. Never underestimate a good rationalization, as she told herself that it was natural for her to be comparing them to Alex. After all, she had been the only woman Marissa ever found herself even remotely attracted to. Still, it seemed to the girl from Newport, Alex was, and forever will be the highest standard of beauty.

By the time the third hint came around, Marissa was slowly coming to a realization: Now, more than ever, she had been spending her leisure hours at the beach. A part of her wanted to say it was to watch the cute surfer guys. Just because you _want_ something, though, that doesn't mean life is going to let you off the hook so easily. As she sat on the sand and watched the waves roll in one after the other, Marissa allowed that sobering truth to sink in. Maybe it was some twisted logic, that if the tides turned and changed enough, it would somehow bring her full circle... And, more importantly, bring Alex back. It was pathetic, and Marissa knew it. Still, that ounce of hope it brought was better than the lifetime of loneliness which stood ready to replace it.

Finally, one night, Marissa was awoken by her every hope and fear. Drenched in a cold sweat, she got out of bed to sit at her vanity, exhausted. Running her fingers through her damp bangs, with a sigh, she lifted her gaze to peer into the mirror. And, for the first time, perhaps, since the beginning, Marissa was honest with herself... _'I didn't come_ _here to forget my past but, to __**find**__ it. What's a girl to do when a future full of endless possibilities awaits me, yet, all I can think about is going back? Back to the last moment I ever felt whole.'_ And that's what was scariest... For it didn't lead her to a particular place or time but, it took her back into the arms of someone she thought she had long forgotten.

Back in Newport, during the 2 years after their sudden break-up, she won't lie; she missed her. Yes, there were quite a few nights where not even snuggling up to a soft silk pillow could replace the feeling of how she used to nestle her head against Alex's arm, or in the crook of her neck. A case of "Alex induced insomnia" she liked to call it. But, this was different somehow... Marissa couldn't sleep, not because Alex felt far off from her but, because she felt the girl's presence _everywhere_. Right now, they were living in the same city, breathing the same air (no matter that it's smog-filled), walking down the same streets... It was a constant reminder of how she threw away the only person who ever truly _got her_.

Opening the jewelry box which sat in front of her, Marissa sifted through its contents until, she pulled out the silver heart-shaped necklace which Alex gave her. She unclasped it and slowly fastened it around her neck, almost in imitation of past events. And as it hung so comfortably against her skin, Marissa could vividly recall and hear Alex saying, "Good." in return. Her mouth curved into a small bittersweet smile at the memory before it quickly dropped back down again. She clenched the heart pendant in one hand while burying her face within the other, feeling the inevitable weight of regret bearing down on her.

* * *

When morning's light peered through the thin curtains, Marissa wondered if she had even gotten a wink of sleep last night. She lay there in bed, staring at the ceiling above. Her entire body felt unbearably heavy like a ton of bricks, not budging nor even attempting to pry itself off of the mattress. But, the fact is, Marissa didn't want to move from this spot because it would mean acknowledging the start of a new day. A day she _really_ didn't want to begin. "It's Valentine's Day.", she groaned before pulling the covers over her head.

After mulling it over in her apartment all morning and clear through to the early evening, Marissa finally forced herself to freshen up and go for a little walk. It was the perfect time to be outdoors... She avoided the scorching heat of the afternoon, yet, there was still about an hour of daylight left to accomplish something productive. Marissa engaged in a newly found pleasure of hers: Looking through display windows of various clothing stores and snapping digital photographs of anything in particular which caught her eye or sparked a unique concept. It was a form of expression for her, not to mention a decent way to relieve pent up stress.

"Wow, that's cool.", she remarked in awe, while excitedly taking a picture of a black leather belt which had a decorative silver dragon design spanning across to give it an asian theme. As she lowered her camera, though, the sight of something even more remarkable came into view. There, in the showcase, Marissa catches the reflection of a young woman who looks very much like Alex. _'It couldn't be.'_ Her eyes were playing a cruel trick on her, she reasoned. But, as she watched the blonde across the street go 'round the corner, her legs speedily carried her past the oncoming traffic before her mind even had a chance to comprehend the action which felt completely natural at this point.

Following behind at a safe distance, Marissa couldn't help but notice how this woman had the same dirty blonde hair, the same nonchalant swagger, the perfect hip hugger jeans which molded to her every curve, the punk/rock vibe she grew to love. Wait... _love_? That unguarded thought which managed to escape, stopped Marissa in her tracks. '_I didn't love her... did I?'_ She tried to deny it because her now aching heart was condemnation enough.

Marissa snapped out from her dazed state a few seconds later to find she had lost track of the young woman. Almost in a panic, her eyes darted from one end of the street to the next, prying through the crowd in hopes of spotting that flicker of golden blonde hair. The only sight that could _ever _ease her desperation. She ran straight ahead, spinning every which way until, a hand suddenly found her shoulder and pulled her backwards into the shade of the alley. Forced up against a wall, a voice threatened, "Why the hell are you...!" The shadowed figure leaned in closer to get a better look at her stalker. And immediately, the individual's tone softened to almost a whisper upon finishing, "....following...me?" In almost disbelief, she uttered, "Marissa?" Mimicing in shock, Marissa breathlessly stated with wide eyes, "Alex..."


	3. Chapter 2 Aching To Be Whole Again

**Not The End ~ Aching To Be Whole Again**

**Author's notes:** I hadn't intended on ending chapter 2 here but, it was getting quite lengthy so, I figured it'd be best to continue the rest in the following chapter. I hope you don't mind. ^^ Oh! And I'd love to hear feedback about the style of this chapter. Prior ones were more descriptive and driven by the characters thoughts. But, with Alex and Marissa finally face-to-face this chapter has a lot of dialogue in it. I tend to have difficulty finding a balance between dialogue and description. So, was it a success? Or did I completely fail?

**Disclaimer:** I wish I could say Alex Kelly was mine. haha. But, sadly, I cannot. =( For I do not own The O.C.

**CHAPTER 2**

It wasn't the type of fateful meeting either had imagined or expected but, Marissa didn't care. All she needed to know was that this was real. It wasn't a dream. The gap between them had been closed and Alex was really and truly standing before her, mere inches away from touch.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hurt you, did I?", Alex backed off of Marissa, slightly embarrassed by her rash behavior. The other young woman found amusement in this and teased further while dusting off her blouse, "Well, I always knew you liked to play rough, Alex." Suddenly, Alex was thankful the alleyway shielded her from the sunlight which would visibly reveal the blush that managed to creep its way across her cheeks.

Marissa took the initiative to step back onto the sidewalk. "It's been a long time." "Yeah... It has.", the blonde followed suit after regaining her senses. Not that she should have been stunned. Losing ones senses was a typical side effect of the addiction known as 'Marissa Cooper'. Her presence alone could be considered more intoxicating than any drug. No one had learned this fact better than Alex Kelly. But, simply _knowing_ it doesn't make you any more prepared to deal with it a second time around.

"So, what brings you to L.A., anyways?", was Alex's best attempt at being cordial.

Greatly downplaying what would come as news to her former lover, she replied nonchalantly with a shrug, "I live here."

_'What the hell?? Did I just hear right? She lives HERE?!'_, was what echoed through her mind but, she settled for the less dramatic, "What? Since when??", as her response.

"After graduation, I moved out of my family's house, left Newport, and came here to attend college. I'm renting a small apartment not far from here, actually." Eager to direct the conversation elsewhere, Marissa quickly changes the subject, "How about you? What brings you here? I mean, not 'here' as in L.A. But, out here tonight."

"Oh. I'm just picking up some dry cleaning."

With a smirk, she cleverly points out, "Funny, I never took you for the halter dress wearing type."

"Huh?" Alex follows Marissa's gaze to the clear garment bag slung over her shoulder. Running her fingers through her bangs and combing it back, she admits, "Oh, I'm not. That, um, actually belongs to a friend of mine. She asked if I could get it dry cleaned along with my stuff."

"Ah.", she nodded in understanding. After a torturous moment of awkward silence ensued, seemingly extending on endlessly, Alex broke it. "Well, I should probably get going. It was nice seeing you again, though, Marissa."

But, Marissa had waited too long and prayed too hard - to any and every known and unknown god in existence - to just let this opportunity pass by. "Hey, wait.", she called out, grabbing hold of Alex's arm from behind. Something she should have done 2 years ago... "I was hoping we could grab a drink and maybe talk a little bit more. You know, catch up."

Alex stopped to turn around but, the reluctance in her eyes was still very much present so, Marissa swiftly grasped for an idea, anything which could keep the girl by her side a bit longer, "Aren't you curious about how Seth, Summer, and everyone else are doing? I know they miss you. We all do. And I'd sure like to tell them something about how you've been. Other than the fact you haven't turned into a halter dress wearing fanatic." Her sarcasm masked the anxiousness she felt within. If this didn't work, Marissa was seriously considering taking a lesson from Jodie and placing her hands upon Alex's hips, pulling her close, and pleading, "Stay." _Stay?_ It sounded more like a dog command than a request. But, that's how desperate she was at this point.

Fortunately, for her, though, she wouldn't have to stoop to such a low. Not, yet, anyways...

Alex hesitates with good reason but, eventually consents. "Hmm, alright. I guess one drink wouldn't hurt." She never could resist Marissa's charm.

"Awesome." And now the girl from Newport was in heaven.

* * *

Seeing as how Alex had walked from her apartment and didn't bring her jeep, they opted to hop into Marissa's silver convertible instead, which was parked right across the street from where they were standing. Marissa made herself comfortable, settling into the plush leather driver's seat while starting the ignition as Alex opened the passenger side door, surprised by the sight that met her. There, on the seat and down below on the car mat, was everything from a pair of high heel shoes, a fashion magazine, an umbrella, a few books, a jacket, purse, even a ziploc which contained what looked like her leftover lunch... from a few days ago, no less.

_'Was this the same Marissa? The one who cringed at the sight of dirty dishes piled up in the sink. Or who got after me whenever I'd leave my clothes lying around on the floor when we lived together.'_, Alex couldn't help pondering. She was pulled from her thoughts, though, as Marissa smiled sheepishly, admitting, "Sorry, for the mess." before throwing stuff onto the backseat. "It's no problem." The blonde-haired girl took the initiative to lay her dry cleaning in the back along with the other items which were now scattered across the car's carpeted floor. Once the passenger side seat was completely cleared, Marissa joked, "As you can see, I obviously live in my car. heh." Alex grinned while getting in, suppressing a laugh, although her eyes sparkled with apparent amusement. And as she closed the door, they were off...

They rode together in relative silence, stealing occasional glances at each other. The only sounds breaking through the all-too-quiet atmosphere were of cars passing by, the rhythmic hum of the engine, the faint music playing in the background from the radio, and the most noticeable, at least to Marissa, was the deafening pound of her heart beating in her ears. She knew she should say something. But, what? There was so much to be said she hadn't a clue where to begin. Thankfully, Alex wasn't as much at a loss for words, as she questioned, "Where are we going?" Not wanting to give away the surprise, Marissa kept the other girl's curiosity peaked with the vague answer, "You'll see." Alex raised an eyebrow to this response, but played along.

* * *

"The pier?" Out of all the destinations Alex pictured Marissa taking her to, this certainly was not one of them. A club, maybe. Perhaps, even a local bar. But, here in a relaxed setting, with the ocean sea breeze lightly drifting in, it was definitely an unexpected scene for Marissa to be caught in. Different, yet refreshing, at the same time.

"Mhmm. They have this cute little smoothie shop there that I discovered just a few weeks ago on one of my regular trips to the beach.", the brunette explained while pulling into a parking stall. "Come on, trust me. You'll love it! I'm sure of it." Now how could Alex deny such a display of confidence and enthusiasm? Taking the girl's word for it, she slides her hands into her front pockets, as they walk side-by-side across the wooden planks which lined the pier. Their arms brushing dangerously close to each other at one point, reminds Marissa and Alex of how easy it would be to take the other's hand into their own. Fortunately for both, they arrived at the fruity drink shop before the desire could be entertained.

As Marissa swings its glass door open, a bell chimes; welcoming them into the cozy, old diner feel which permeated. With a smile, Marissa beams, "I've been dying to share this place with someone and I'm glad you're that special someone, Alex." _Special?_ That's obviously the word Alex's mind zeroed in on first. _'Had I really been special to her?'_, she wasn't so sure. Being around Marissa once more was causing old insecurities to resurface. Ones she believed she had left dead and buried upon her departure from Newport. Suddenly, Alex second-guessed whether this was such a good idea. But, it was too late to turn back as Marissa scooted into a corner booth and gestured for her to follow suit.

After the waiter promptly took their order, the two young women engaged in small talk, trying to break the ice and reconnect in some way. Staying true to her straight-forward nature, Alex was the first to take a stab at it...

"You said you're attending college now... So, what are you majoring in?"

"Fashion design."

"Of course. heh.", her tone reflected how obvious that answer should have been.

Marissa opened her mouth in an exaggerated manner, while placing a hand against her chest and feigning shock that Alex was actually mocking her. Rolling her eyes, she added fuel to the embers which would soon become a fire, "Well, it was either that or getting into architecture so I could design apartment buildings with big enough closets to actually fit all of my shoes. But, I decided to play to my strengths and opted for designing clothes instead. heh." The blonde hair girl easily caught the reference and both were thrown into a fit of giggles.

By the time the refreshments arrived, it were as if Marissa and Alex had stepped into a time machine, rekindling the effortless chemistry they once shared back at the ripe age of 17. Any previous feelings of awkwardness faded away into non-existence.

"Mmm..." Marissa took a sip of her strawberry smoothie before inquiring, "How about you? Did you go back to school like you said you would?"

"Yeah, I did. Studying was never my thing but, I did a lot of cramming and got to graduate early. At least now when I assure my boss that I'm smart, he actually believes me because I have a piece of paper to prove it.", the strong-headed, if not to say 'stubborn girl', scoffed at the fact.

_'Ever rebellious.'_, Marissa inwardly noted with a smirk. And without really thinking, she reached over, gently cradling Alex's hand under her own while admitting, "I always knew you were smart, Alex. A lot smarter than me, that's for sure..." Her voice trailed off at the end, softening to an almost unnerving degree, as it hinted towards the mistakes she's made. Alex found herself melting beneath the other woman's touch. Such a simple gesture overwhelmed her senses, filling her entire body with an undeniable yet, familiar warmth. It was all starting to come back to her now...


	4. Chapter 3 When Fragile Hearts Collide

**Author Notes: **Hey, Gone_Wilde here. ^^ Before we get started I wanted to recognize two important readers. I couldn't reply to their review comments through PM so, I wanted to do it here. Sorry, that it's belated!

Also, I apologize if this latest chapter jumps a bit. I've been having trouble focusing mentally. And balancing out all of that dialogue was simply crazy. lol. Still, I hope it didn't turn out too bad. ^^;

**OriNa: **Thanks! I'm so relieved that you like it since this is my first attempt at a fan fiction and, honestly, I wasn't sure how to go about it. haha. Yeah, it was actually really fun to write Marissa's inner feelings and watching as she slowly became more desperate. It gave me a chance to show her take on things, as well as mess with her just a bit. lol. =P And, well, here's a new chapter for you. I hope you keep reading! It means a lot to me.

**Vanamo:** I agree completely! Together, Malex was adorable. But, seperately, although Alex will forever be cool, in my opinion, Marissa sort of lacked... something. Depth, maybe. I never learned much about her, outside of how she attracts drama and likes to piss off her mom. haha. But, that's okay. It left more room for my imagination to roam free. To hear (err, read) that you think I made Marissa likeable made me very happy. Thank you! ^_^

**To everyone:** Please, keep reading and reviewing! Your comments inspire me and give me the motivation to continue writing. =)

* * *

Alarms sounded off in Alex's head, rationality practically screaming at her to pull away. But, once their gazes locked, her body surrendered - frozen; lost within every fleck of color in Marissa's eyes, which was magnified by the gentle shimmer of the sun slowly setting beyond the horizon.

Although it's true that no one can ever really know the depth of another's heart, the feelings which rushed over Alex in that instance ran deeper than words could describe. It led her to believe that this was more than just a simple chance encounter, or a reminiscing of the past. Despite the lies, the self-denials, the "I'm completely over her" lines she'd been repeatedly feeding herself with since the moment she cornered Marissa in the alleyway, there was no use running anymore. In the end, she reached the same conclusion everytime...

What existed between them 2 years ago, _still remained_.

And that both excited and frightened her. Because once a heart is broken, is it possible to go back to the way things were?

* * *

In response to Marissa's statement, Alex lifted her hands, waving them back and forth, while unconfidentally confessing, "Oh, I don't know how smart I am."

_'After all...'_, her mind silently continued.

"I let you go..." What was meant to be an unspoken truth, somehow managed to slip past her lips in a barely audible whisper.

Not quite sure what the blonde had just muttered under her breath, Marissa arched forward, inquiring, "What?" A perplexed expression lined her features. Realizing she had allowed her train of thought to get the better of her, Alex quickly brushed aside what was said, "Huh? Oh, um, it was nothing."

Trying to save what little was left of her composure, Alex made a rapid subject change. "So! How is everyone else doing? It seems like it's been ages ago since I last saw Newport." At this point, she was relieved to not have been sitting in a lie detector chair. Because the truth is, there were many times when Newport was still so vivid in her mind, it was as if she never left.

"They're good." A softness came over Marissa upon speaking those words; visions of her friends filling her mind. And as if the two were telepathically connected, they both inwardly chuckled at the irony. For most of the years Marissa actually spent living there, the girl from Harbor could think of nothing more than hijacking her father's boat and sailing away. She didn't care to where. So long as it took her as far away as possible from the life that seemed unchangeably mundane.

Whereas Alex, after the break-up, wanted nothing more than to forget... Maybe, at one point, she believed that by erasing those familiar places from her life, she could erase the memories made there.

_'But, some things just stay with you...'_, the once-lovers exchanged knowing glances.

Despite all of its shortcomings, there was no doubt that Newport was and, perhaps, would always be one thing to both girls... _Home._"Hey, did I tell you about Seth??", Marissa's voice excitedly broke through Alex's trip down memory lane.

* * *

"'Chicken arms'? How's he doing? Hopefully, staying out of trouble and not trying to pull off being a "bad boy" again. Because last time... Eh, that didn't go so well for him. heh." Alex rolled her eyes before smirking into her drink, as she lifted the glass to her lips.

_'Bad boy?'_, the brunette noted with a bit of confusion, followed by a twinge of jealousy shortly after. _'It seems Seth and Alex had their own share of inside jokes, too...' _The logical side of her knew this was natural. After all, they had da.. dat- _'My goodness, I can't even form the word in my mind!'_ Resisting the urge to pout, Marissa refocused and kept the conversation flowing.

"Actually, he and Summer got hitched."

Choking in utter surprise, Alex accidentally sprayed strawberry smoothie across the table, just stopping short of the young woman sitting in front of her. "To each other?!", was what came out after the blonde's first gasp of breath. "Nooo, Seth married Ryan. Of course, to each other! haha." Marissa fell backwards into the cushiony chair, wrapping her arms around her stomach and laughing uncontrollably.

Practically in tears and coming off from her laughter induced high, Marissa finally managed to settle down and allow Alex to get a word in. "Sorry.", she apologized sincerely, somewhat embarrassed, as she began cleaning up the mess she had created. "Heh, it's okay." Taking a few more napkins from its shiny metal dispenser, Marissa expressed with a bright smile, "If anything, I should be thanking you. I can't remember the last time I ever laughed so hard."

"Well, whenever you need someone to spit out a beverage at you, give me a call. I'd be happy to oblige. heh."

"You never know, I just may take you up on that offer." Shifting forward, Marissa rested her elbow onto the table and nestled her cheek into the palm of her hand. Returning Alex's sweet smile, she ever so slightly tilted her head to the side, completely unaware of the effect she had. It was then that Alex was reminded of how absolutely adorable the brunette's mannerisms could be.

Before becoming hopelessly fixated on her, the blonde forced her gaze off of Marissa to stare out the window. Reminiscing and talking like this, it felt as though time had stood still between them. And, yet, somehow amidst it all, day had turned into night; the only light lingering emmitted from a few lampstands bordering the pier.

Picking up right where they left off, Alex continued, "Seth and Summer, huh? Wow, now _that_ is something."

Marissa wasn't blind to the other girl's actions and noticed how she suddenly broke eye contact but, decided that it might be best not to read too much into it.

"Yeah, I could hardly wrap my mind around it myself when Summer first broke the news to me. But, as opposite as the two of them are, they just work, you know?" Alex nodded in understanding. In fact, no one probably understood as well as her. Since that description is how she once viewed herself and Marissa.

_'Once...' _A word that described something past tense. Still, here they were in the present, leaving Alex with an endless amount of questions and conflicting emotions. Why were they here? Was it simply to discuss Seth and Summer? To reflect back on what was? Or had they both been wishing for something more? Those were but, some of the numerous thoughts racing through her mind. She was in mental chaos, when a single simple gesture calmed it all.

The feeling of softness traced the corner of her mouth. "Heh, you're a mess, Kelly.", Marissa teased, as she slowly ran her thumb over Alex's lower lip, wiping away bits of froth left behind from the smoothie spraying incident. And there it was... The butterflies in the pit of her stomach, the hitching of her breath in her chest, and the longing that only her eyes could perfectly convey.

Alex took a shaky hand to the one Marissa still held at her lips, hoping that the brunette wouldn't mind her apparent nervousness. And, then, came the invitation which made both girl's hearts race with eager anticipation, "Would you like to take a walk with me on the beach? It's such a beautiful and clear evening, it's practically begging to be enjoyed."

It had the makings of deja vu. But, for Marissa, the repeated sentiment meant so much more to her this time around. Because rather than holding the promise of a first kiss, it held the hope of a second chance...

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Shoes in hand, they walked down L.A.'s seashore, neither releasing the other's grasp. Just then, a cool, salty breeze gently caressed their skin, as the sand mixing with their barefeet added to the already peaceful atmosphere. It played out like one of the many fantasies Marissa imagined after losing Alex. What was incredible, though, was that this time everything was for real.

"Marissa...", Alex's subdued call eased through the silence.

"Yeah?"

"There's something I've been wanting to know." The tone she took made Marissa anxious inside. And when she heard the words which proceeded it, she knew why...

"You... and Ryan..." Suddenly, the brunette's heart dropped.

This was proving harder to ask than Alex originally thought it would be. Instead of expressing what she really wanted to, the defensive walls around her heart built themselves up again, causing her to put on the "friend" act, as if it didn't hurt her to talk about Ryan. "How is he? He must be missing you. After all, you two were practically inseparable. Heh, Newport's ideal couple."

Marissa felt the sting.

Perhaps, what she hated most, though, was knowing that that's the impression _she_ last left Alex with. Sure, the blonde reached that conclusion on her own but, what killed Marissa was how she didn't deny it two years ago.

"I wouldn't say that..."

Out of all her dreams about reuniting with Alex, this was the part she always anticipated and, yet, dreaded; When she would have to face her mistakes, and the regret that inevitably came with it.

"Ryan and I... We don't really keep tabs on each other much these days. Last I heard, was that he has a new girlfriend and is doing well for himself in studying architecture at the University."

"But, I thought you..."

As if reading her train of thought, Marissa finished, "Got back together? No. We realized we weren't right for each other. You'd think after, oh, I don't know, a million failed attempts, we would have figured that out sooner. heh."

From a light-hearted tone, her voice soon lost strength as it softened under the weight of what this moment could mean for both of them. "But, sometimes, love can blind you. It makes you see what you want to, and not for what it truly is. I fooled myself into believing that what Ryan and I had was real and worth saving when, really, it was a part of my past that I should have laid to rest a long time ago. If only I had known sooner..."

Suddenly, Marissa's footsteps halted, and out came the confession that had been on the tip of her tongue the entire evening. "I would have never let you go..."

"But, you did.", the blonde replied weakly. Alex didn't intend to sound cold or bitter. In fact, her reaction surprised even her. She expected better from herself, believing she could play it cool. But, the feelings that the memory of their break-up stirred up were still so raw.

"Yes, I did...", Marissa lowered her head, feeling ashamed.

No one said this would be easy. And she didn't expect it to be so. Which is why just a second later the determination in her eyes returned as she continued with conviction, "And there hasn't been a day since where I didn't regret it. I miss you, Alex. I miss _this._" She took both of Alex's hands into her own, clasping them together, as they stood there face-to-face.

"What do you want me to say, Marissa?", Alex sighed heavily. There was actually so much she wanted to express but, it somehow stayed knotted in her throat.

"That you've missed me, too. That this is not the end."

She mimiced Alex's sigh but, with a bit more desperation. Marissa knew the more she spoke, the more she was risking. Her heart was on the line. But, she couldn't stop. The words kept overflowing after being pent up all this time...

"From when I was young my path was mapped out. There wasn't anything to decide because the decisions had already been made for me. My future was set. I was to attend college, get a prestigious, high paying job so, I could live in luxury as I always had, and marry some great guy who'd sweep me off my feet. Then, you came along..."

"And, you weren't part of that plan, Alex..." Marissa released her hold on Alex and walked a few steps ahead. Her back turned away from the girl, she reflected back on their relationship. How it all began that night they sat on the couch watching an old horror movie together. How the blonde's gaze met her lips, evoking feelings inside of her that she had never experienced before with a woman. The memory brought a soft, passing smile to her face.

Whipping around, the brunette speaks up over the crashing waves, "Suddenly, my world was turned upside-down! I thought being with you meant giving up my familiar lifestyle. I realized too late that that wasn't a bad thing. You weren't taking anything away from me. You were offering me a new life, a better one! One which included you."

"But, I was scared.", Marissa's eyes welled with unshed tears. "Things were changing so fast, and when I couldn't keep up, I ran back towards what was safe."

"To Ryan...", Alex said with a mixture of sympathy and knowing.

"Yes, to Ryan, to Harbor... to everything. And I pushed you away so, I could live as the 'old Marissa' again."

As her eyes fluttered close, tears which lingered at the edge of her lashes began to flow. They streamed down her flushed cheeks, falling to the ground. The sight was almost too much for Alex to bear. She ran to Marissa, holding the girl close, as she buried her face against the blonde's shoulder. Choking back the sob which threatened to escape, she apologized, "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Alex."

And just like that, despite how many unanswered questions remained, one thing was made certain: She had meant something to Marissa. She still did. And deep down, Alex knew that the girl from Newport who had managed to capture her heart, never fully lost it. Marissa still meant something to her, too.

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay, Marissa.", she comforted in a soothing voice, while threading her fingers through the brunette's silky strands.

And with that simple statement, Marissa was finally met with relief but, most of all, forgiveness.

Pulling back in Alex's embrace, she stared into those beautiful ocean blue-green eyes which she could now admit in her heart that she had sincerely come to love. In effect, giving her the courage to admit something even more important... "Alex.. I don't want to just live anymore. I want to feel alive."

"The way I felt whenever I was with you..."

Swept up in the moment, Marissa raised a hand to the other girl's cheek, caressing the smooth skin, and allowing the warmth of her touch to brush just behind her ear. Sighing in contentment, Alex's eyes involuntarily closed at the pleasurable sensation. Leaving no room for hesitation or second-guessing, Marissa slowly leaned in until, they could both feel the unmistakable heat radiating between their bodies. And as her lips were about to close the last distance between them....

*bzzz! bzzz! bzzz!*

Alex's cellphone, which was on vibrate, started to go off, breaking the spell. The blonde immediately snapped back to reality to check the incoming call. And within a split second glance to the caller I.D., the atmosphere completely changed. Suddenly, Alex grew pale and her throat went dry. Observing the shock and fear written on her face, Marissa asked with concern, "Alex, what's wrong? Who is it?"

Cellphone still in hand, Alex's arms dropped to her side, as she uttered what would alter their lives forever...

"It's... my fiancee."

* * *

**Author Notes:** Don't hurt me. haha. So, what do you think of this twist of events? Did you see it coming? heh.


End file.
